8th of October – and today’s card is the Ace of Wands. Wow, powerful cards recently.

I try and remember the suits through acronyms—on account of my brain not being able to remember things forever—I realize how many years I’ve never been able to recall all the card meanings. I wonder if this is something about how I have always been: I don’t remember who’s in a band, a book title, author, album name, band members. What year things happened? 

In my previous notes, I’d said: Willpower, Action, Nurture, Determination, Spirited. Wands are Fire. The first sparks of life. Yes, of course, they are. I can see that now.

It’s a beautiful card: beautiful rays of sunshine emerging from behind dark, heavy clouds. The wand is prominent in the foreground, flourishing, blooming. A castle sits atop a hill. It’s been a huge hill to climb, but you’re reaching your goal.

Navigating the Flame

So, how do I feel today? I’m nervous, anxious, excited.

In the past, I would have been running on pure adrenaline at this point—running on the spot, completely stuck in treacle, with the only thing going anywhere fast being my racing thoughts. Shutdown would become an inevitability.

Today, I sit here, very proudly congratulating myself for acknowledging the powerful thoughts, recognizing them as just thoughts, reminding myself that I need to take one breath at a time, one step at a time, one action at a time.

I am my own boss (or I will be from next Monday). And the world isn’t going to collapse around me or fall apart because I still have a million and one things to do.

Breathe.

And remember you have a list, and there are only about 20 things left to do. Okay, some of those are biggies, but my arm is feeling okay today so I can get some of that done.

Old me didn’t know how to do this, hadn’t created a mental reset button, and would be spiraling by now.

My Little Tools

I rely on my little tools:

• My affirmation cards.
• The art of showing up.
• “Breath” (Well, actually, it says breath because I’ve run out of room for the ‘e’).
• “One wild and precious life,” which reminds me I wrote a lovely journal entry about that. I have to find it.

Just remembering mindfully: everything is going to be okay, you’ve got this.

Spending five minutes, looking at the trees and the birds. (Oh, I must get some bird food!) Now looking at my watch, checking my heart rate, and everything has slowed down quite nicely.

Action Over Thought

So, the Ace of Wands is giving me permission to allow myself to believe that I am blossoming.

Sarah Bartlett says: Initiating a new Venture. It’s not just about thoughts, but acting on them, too.

Tinagong says: Welcome inspiration. Channel your energy.

That’s it. That’s all I wrote that day. But it’s enough. It’s the spark.