5th of November bonfire night. I’m not going to draw a card first. I’m going to reflect first today.

I live quite high up and have a great view over town from an upstairs window—a vantage point that has offered spectacular views of fireworks for miles on New Year’s Eve. If I suspend the uncomfortable truth that it’s probably time to ditch fireworks (they aren’t exactly environmentally sound, are they?), the spectacle is quite something. Although Halloween seems to be more of the celebration than remembering Guy Fawkes these days.

This morning is eerily quiet. So quiet, even the fridge isn’t making its usual grumblings. It’s too early for the boiler, too early for the birds seemingly, and there’s no weather making its presence known. Quiet, still, at 6:00 a.m.

Battling the Grump

I can’t quite put my finger on my mood, but I suspect ‘grumpy’ is the word.

Today, I have an important seminar—a truly good thing—on how to grow a creative business without burning out. The timing is perfect. But do I have the energy?

I’m feeling guilty because I missed the last session without notifying the organisers. A gentle email was sent to the cohort, prompting us to be more communicative. While I did have a valid reason (a last-minute hospital appointment cancellation), the feeling of having let them down still lingers.

So, I will go today. I’ll enjoy it and gain from it, I’m sure. I can always just go to bed early and top up the energy exchange. This is the constant management required when living with a chronic illness: it’s not always possible to manage life according to its needs.

What I can manage is my attitude. I can consciously attempt to flip the switch on this grumpiness and resentment. Most days, I can practice mindfulness and gratitude with ease. Days like today, it’s a real effort. And yet, these are the days where the practice most probably has the most impact, where it is most useful.

I’m getting this negativity out here, in my journal, and then I’ll do some breathing and a quick meditation. That should reset me for a few hours, at least. The ‘old me’ would have gone the entire day getting grumpier and grumpier, without seeking reflection or practical resolution. That’s a win already.

The Wheel Turns

My card for the day is the Wheel of Fortune.

Well, that gives me plenty to chew on and a welcome distraction from my mood. What do I know about this card? Fate, mostly. My mind was a blank beyond that, so I headed to the books:

Source	Key Messages
Sarah Bartlett	Fate. Improvement in your circumstances. Be open to change and new knowledge. There is no certainty in life except uncertainty. Don’t feel the world is against you. Join in the cosmic dance and be part of the show. Be your own choreographer.
Tina Gong	Accept transience. Identify repeating patterns. Find your Centre. Try to identify what makes you feel grounded, regardless of where the wheel takes you.

Today, I reflected first, then drew the card. This can be so useful. Before drawing the card, I couldn’t think straight; I was blank and vague. Through the magic of the card reading, through every word my wise trio had written, I feel open to this day now.

Prepared to welcome whatever comes my way. Ready to be inspired, hopeful something good is on offer.

(Update, I’d got it wrong, it was just another same old, same old social media marketing is the magic bullet, do ABC and you’ll be sure to gain thousands of followers trope. Hmmmmm, still grumpy ha ha ! The presenter was really lovely though and clearly knew her stuff. It just makes me question if I should continue on this path as the established road to success clearly isn’t for me. I generally take a road less travelled route).