October 20th. Instead of starting with my daily tarot card, I’m going to journal first, allowing my thoughts to flow freely before seeking guidance from the cards.

My sleep last night was a mixed bag. I went to bed at 8 PM, hoping for an early night, but found it difficult to get comfortable. I was overtired and experiencing various aches and pains. My mind, thankfully, was relatively quiet after a lovely day and night away with family. However, I consistently struggle to get physically comfortable, especially when I’m not in my own bed.

I eventually fell asleep around 10 PM but woke up 20 minutes later feeling very disoriented. Fitbit informed me I’d been in a deep sleep. This pattern repeated twice more, with half-hour intervals between these deep, short bursts of sleep. I was then wide awake until about 2 AM, after which I managed another hour of deep sleep. I stayed in bed, listening to and watching things, unable to force myself up until much later than usual. It was dark, cold, and wet outside, making the duvet particularly appealing. Eventually, I dragged myself up around 9 AM and am now enjoying an amazing coffee. The bird food needs to go out, but I’ll wait for a dry spell; the birds are sheltering anyway, so I don’t feel too bad about the delay.

My Feelings Today

Today, I’m experiencing a fair amount of pain and discomfort, with my neck being a particular bother. I also have a sore throat, making me wonder if a cold is starting, though I rarely get traditional colds anymore. That’s a topic for another time.

Last night, while in bed, I managed to write a to-do list of my most important tasks for the week, which feels like a great relief. Most importantly, I must get started on my PIP review form today. I’ve picked it up several times but have had to put it back down. It’s such a large task, and I can’t seem to break it down into manageable sections. I keep picking it up and then setting it aside because it feels overwhelming. But I have to do it today, or at least make a significant start, as it’s due back in nine days, and I should probably allow four days for postage.

I’ve committed to working on it until 3 PM this afternoon, and then I’m going to catch the bus to Pottery. Yes, you heard that right – I’m going to pottery! I absolutely must go; it’s the last session of the term, and I’ve missed two already because I haven’t been feeling up to it. I’m desperate to see how my yarn bowl turned out! I’m not sure if I’ll sign up for the next term. As the seasons change, and even with regular use of my light box and mindful techniques, I know that leaving the house becomes more challenging during the winter months.

I’m not sad or down about this. I will get through winter with my newfound resilience and constant reminders that spring and then summer will be on their way. Winter is a time for the Hermit, and for both good and bad reasons, I am very, very good at being a Hermit and using that time wisely (or, at least, wisely now).

Today, I feel matter-of-fact. I feel I’m facing my challenges head-on with mental strength and won’t get dragged down, because I accept life’s lot. I have my mantras, and I have an abundance of gratitude. I can vividly recall the gorgeous hugs I shared with my grandkids, and that charges my happy battery right up to full, providing energy for quite some time.

The Card Reveal

What might the card be today? I quite like this tease – something to do with knowing my strengths, drawing on my resources wisely.

Turns over the card… It’s the Four of Wands!

Oh, this is such a beautiful, magical card. “Magical” doesn’t quite align with my physical feelings today, but mentally, yes, I can connect with it. I’m going to take this card as advice today, as it isn’t directly reflecting how I’m physically feeling. So, under advisement, I need to:

• Look for joy and celebration today: Well, going to Pottery fits in quite well with being social, doesn’t it?
• Feel proud of my achievements: I’ll pause here for a few moments and mentally recap my recent accomplishments. There’s no doubt I’ve achieved a lot recently, and armed with that, the other message of the card can be viewed more openly.
• Breaking free from self-doubt, fear, and self-imposed bonds: This kind of echoes the Hanged Man card I drew yesterday, which I haven’t actually written up yet because I processed it mentally.
• Feel others’ pride in me: Yes, I definitely feel that. (Oh, having a hot flash!)

All in all, I think (and this is where the card method is so useful), instead of my mood declining today, which was a hopelessly repeated pattern before, I have a mantra. The little fella on my shoulder telling me what a failure I am can be unperched. By my words of affirmation, the Four of Wands is providing truly useful advice today.

Find comfort in home, friends, and family, basking in the company of those whose love helped you along your road to success. Take a break, acknowledge the effort it has taken to get here. It wasn’t easy. Take a small break, say thank you.

Well, basking in the comfort of home? Yes, I can do that. Friends and family? I’m going to do that via my memories and, hopefully, by getting out to pottery.