Justice: A “Soft Launch” and a Hard Truth
Today, October 13th, was supposed to be launch day. The Tarot card I pulled? Justice. I’ve had this card fairly recently, and remembering its various interpretations without opening a book, is a perfect example of why my previous musings about becoming a Tarot reader needed to be challenged. It’s also a good indication that my mental capacity isn’t at its peak today.
I took a day off yesterday, which was harder than it sounds. It’s hard to consciously stop thoughts, which feels like work in itself. But I tried, and I came to quite the revelation. All the hard work and preparation for what? I thought it was going to be launch day, and then – bang! It was an explosive revelation: I am nowhere near ready to launch. Where had my mind been? That “day off” that wasn’t really a day off helped me clear the mental decks of hundreds of to-do’s, and I saw that launching today is a fantasy. What exactly am I launching? Empty social media with no content worthy of generating much interest. No, no, no, no, no. It’s really clear that there are months of real work ahead before I can fully launch. So I’ll call today a “soft launch.” To whom? I don’t know, to myself.
The Myth of “Just Launch”
I’m reminded of the advice I got in a one-to-one with a so-called expert: “Just launch,” she said, “just launch.” That was her nugget of wisdom. Terrible advice. Launch what? I can see it now. I cannot lie and say I am not terribly disappointed, and there are multiple implications that will now have to play out.
I’ve realized that there are multiple puzzle pieces still to create, let alone fit into this giant puzzle. Honestly, I feel like giving up. I could honestly throw in the towel, but I’m not going to. I’ve come this far – too far – to let it get away. I just need to regroup and adjust everything. The business plan revised. The cash flow forecast to start in three months’ time. I mean, not that I’m anticipating much of a cash flow, but to cross the i’s and dot the t’s. Oh no, the other way around. You cross the t’s and dot the i’s. See? Brain soup today, hidden by a fog. But it’s Justice.
Understanding Justice
My card today is Justice. What to make of that? Weighing everything up? Yep, I certainly did that yesterday. Getting my just desserts. Do I deserve this? Have I earned this? I’m starting to see the disconnect, and maybe I’ve been in the “up” phase of the roller coaster that is my moods for a rather prolonged period. And I’m not at all unhappy about that. I’ve spent far too much of my life in down phases. Complete awareness of which phase I’m in still eludes me somewhat alarmingly, apparently today I am getting much, much better at recognizing the transitions now. Therefore, I know to prepare for a hopefully mercifully shorter down phase.
I wonder who can relate here? Awareness means I can pep talk myself, and I’m now a much happier, more content person overall. I don’t have much depth to the despair plunge, and so many more tools at my disposal to counteract the effects.
Insights from Tarot Experts
A quick look at the books because I don’t think I’m getting to the gist of the card:
| Author | Interpretation of Justice |
|---|---|
| Liz Dane | Legitimizes an endeavor and predicts success in business dealings. Guidance and direction from a spiritual source. |
| Sarah Bartlett | Objective thinking restores balance, accepting the truth, taking responsibility for my choices, recognizing mistakes and acting accordingly. |
| Tina Gong | Gets an outsider’s perspective, finds facts, makes amends. What does owning up and correcting your mistake look like? |
The Challenge of Outside Perspective
“Getting the outsider’s perspective…” I’m not very good at that. I could do that, but nothing immediately springs to mind. This is the way I tend to think about it: it’s all very well getting an outsider’s perspective, but generally, people just tell you what they think you want to hear anyway. I don’t think I know anyone really honest and direct in the same way that I am. I am probably my own best and worst critic. And whilst that can be really lonely, it is what it is. I have sought out lots of outside advice and perspectives, and it’s lovely. It’s really lovely that people actively support you. But it does usually boil down to the same thing: people just say what they think you want to hear, or they’re really, really positive. Nobody’s ever says, ” Have you thought about doing this, or, is that really realistic?” I’m reminded of a comment a friend said once when something id chosen to do wasnt working out at all well, and they chose then to say, “I was afraid that was going to happen!” Why not have said something beforehand? I tend to, but then I get told off, ha ha, the “Oh, Kay, you can’t say that” comes out.
All the feedback that I’ve had about my business plan and all the ideas goes something like this, “Wow, this sounds absolutely brilliant. Your business plan’s great. Your idea is great, everything’s going to be great. It’s brilliant.” Nobody has pointed out to me that I’ve got to this point and I’m essentially just shouting into the void. I’m not ready to launch, and I do accept that. I am facing up to the facts, and I’m going to correct that mistake. It’s human nature to be supportive, I know that but there is a time and place for plain speaking too.
Adjusting Course
I am going to delay my launch until January, hopefully not any longer than that, and that’s fine. I don’t know anything clearly today. It’s foggy outside and inside, in my brain. I’ve run out of fat balls for the birds, and I’ve still got no coffee beans. So I don’t have the presence of the birds or my delicious coffee to start me off on the right foot today. This I can remedy, but that means leaving the house, which is going to take a Herculean effort to achieve today. If I don’t, though, tomorrow will bring more of the same: no coffee and no birds. And it’s Pottery today. I want to go and see how my yarn bowl looks from the glaze firing.
I can do this, I can. I could go back to bed and write off the day at this precise moment. That is what I feel like doing. And I don’t know which “me” is going to win out. I know which one I want to win. So I have what that will take today.
Tune in tomorrow and find out. Bye for now.