Judgement Day: Embracing the Imperfect Launch

Today is the 11th of October, and I have drawn Judgement. I should be launching my new venture on the 13th of October. So Judgement Day is fast approaching!

I had first wanted to launch on the 1st of October—the first always feels like a good day to start things, and Mondays… well, I have a mantra: ‘Start again on Monday’ when a few days in a row haven’t gone so well. It takes the pressure off.

So then I opted for Monday, the 13th of October, and that date is really nearly upon me. Do I feel ready? No. Is it good enough? Well, I won’t be the judge of that. Should I just go for it anyway? Yes. That can be the only answer.

I could think up endless excuses for not going ahead, all of them bound up in perfectionism. I’ve written a separate post about this—’The Imperfect, Imperfect Perfectionist’—and the pervasive issue of imposter syndrome. I simply don’t have another day available. I’ve already planned my birthday treat: Patti Smith, Her Royal Highness, appearing at the London Palladium, playing Horses in its entirety on its 50th anniversary (PS: that was magical thinking, I didn’t make it!).

I don’t have any more time, and what would I do with extra time? I’m unhappy with my website, but my constant tinkering seems to make it worse. I’ll get there in the end.

The Long and Winding Road to Crochet

When I started on this journey, what feels like a lifetime ago, I was going to do something else entirely. I’d already made the decision that I needed to get back on the horse gently, at my own pace, through self-employment. So, I signed up for a business course.

However, I quickly had to ditch my original idea: herbal balms that I make for myself, which really helped me with pain. I couldn’t pursue it because the regulations are prohibitive, especially for a micro business.

I had come too far in building back up my confidence and embarking on the course to quit. A quick rethink and I dusted off my dream job: something in crochet. I tackled the age-old issue that I create for myself, telling myself I’m not good enough. I started to look at this venture in a new light, applying logic: no one is born an already made crochet designer, and there’s no ‘crochet business police.’ My stumbling blocks were mostly of my own making, and therefore, I was in charge of unmaking these hurdles.

I loved what I was doing once I got going, drawing on many years of daydreaming that had resulted in bits and pieces of research, ideas, and notes. I reached a point where I’d got very carried away—very carried away, indeed. I had a lovely business plan that I’d worked really, really hard on. I’d even won ‘Pitch of the Night’ at the end of the business course.

But somewhere along the way, I moved so far away from my original vision. I think I must have swallowed some magical thinking beans because I’d gone totally off course. I’d not only got lost, I didn’t know where I was, or where I was going.

So here I sit today realising that I essentially need to take lots of deep breaths, gather my thoughts, and go right back to the beginning.

The Judgement Call

I’m still going to launch on the 13th of October and make the changes and improvements as I go along. I hope that people will find my imperfections relatable and, therefore, forgivable.

I am wavering though. In the last week or so, as launch day looms, I’m starting to think that my true strength lies in my blogging, in thought-sharing. Even if its not a strength I am finding this very therapeutic so I will keep on.

So, do I ditch the pattern designer element altogether? Or do I see how it goes? It’s not great, but I do have to think about money, having some income. This all started as a way of me taking my first steps back into employment through self-employment. So there does need to be a business element to my venture. But I don’t know.

Let’s see what the books say, regarding today’s Judgement card:

Tarot Guide	Key Interpretations
Sarah Bartlett	Self-Assessment, a time of Beginnings and Endings, Second Chances. Accepting things the way they are, facing up to the facts rather than ignoring them.
Tina Gong	Follow your purpose. Make an honest self-assessment. A moment of realisation that would change the course of actions for good. Which messages can you no longer ignore? Punish your fears and take the plunge. Strong decisions must be made, and that requires being sure of what your path is.

Oh, but Tina, I’m not sure. I’m not sure at all. But I’m going down one path anyway. All will be well.

Bye for now, folks.