So, this is my reading from October the 5th. And I pulled the Empress card.
Good morning world. Am I ready for the day? I am not. But I’m willing to be, very, very willing. Lots to do. I overdid working on the Wonky chart the other morning and had to seriously rest my shoulder. So I worked just pencil to paper doing business admin which was really successful, some more of that today and little tiny bursts of computer work.
My dream from last night is bugging me. Gosh, what to make of that dream? I just don’t know, I don’t consciously feel sorry for myself so it is more subconscious memories and held onto emotions in my body.
As I’m writing this, I’m aware I have become very stiff and tense. Nothing tangible. But good I remembered some of the details and I think the feeling was about being overlooked, and I can relate to that as being something I often feel, or more accurately these day, often felt.
The dream is a puzzle. I wrote about this yesterday, or at some point about, never being anybody’s, number one (oh woe is me, poor me!) These days, I am my own number one and I own that but perhaps I do harbour old resentments still?
So some Shadow work on releasing those old feelings. Is anybody ever anyone’s number one? Or did I previously got stuck on that idea, because I’ve always been a bit of a loner struggling to find where I fit in, and where I belong.
Anyway, the Empress, well she’s bloody marvellous, probably more formal than my general approach to life and so confident, she doesn’t even observe that about herself. She is someone to listen to for her words of wisdom, a follower of rules, fertile and abundant, serene.
Calm, I could do with a bit of that.
Mild Panic is lurking at the edges and I know why. I want everything to be perfect from the outset, which isn’t necessary. I know that, I keep telling myself that, so, tell myself again. It doesn’t need to be perfect. Functional, yes, safe, yes, effective, of course. But it’s a wip*, darling, just like me.
*WIP – work in progress in crochet lingo.
Just noticed in my tarot card. The Empress doesn’t have perfect hands. They’re drawn rather strangely out of proportion. I’ve been obsessing about my hands for making videos. If the Empress doesn’t have perfect hands, then I don’t need to either! All those years of biting my nails have taken their toll but if candid and authentic is my “brand” then I have to become comfortable with my not so great fingernails.
I probably am still on track for the 13th of October launch, but there is still a lot to do. (Update, I wasn’t even close to being ready!)
I need to get to a point where I have enough of a foundation layer to launch from and add to over time, rather than everything, everywhere, all at once. All the ideas I had of being ready to go all at once. In fact, it could benefit me to hold back some ideas so I have new and fresh offerings?
I have so many ideas and most of the time I’ve got quite good at saving them somewhere. At some point, I need to decide on one place to keep all ideas. I’m moving in that direction. The voice recorder is great, I’m using Trello, but I’m not sure I’m using that correctly and Keep notes is fab, but I have Keep notes on separate accounts and can’t quite seem to get in the swing of using just the one account.
So I’m never sure which note I kept where, and that’s without my many physical notebooks, Post-it notes, not forgetting the ideas I have while I’m trying to keep a note of the idea I’ve just had. Oh, dear WIP girl.
My shoulder really hurts today, but I do have a chart I’m proud of. Go Me!
From the book interpretations of the card.
Liz Dean. This is a card of reassurance that you will grow and not falter in whatever you choose to do.
Sarah Bartlett. You can be assured of progress in any plan. However daunting it may seem.
Well, that’s actually given me cause to breathe and realise. I need to do a quick meditation because I’m giving way to racing thoughts and panic, with no energy and diminished physical ability today.
Tina Gong. Take pleasure in your senses. Start a creative project venture into nature.
Oh, that’s nice. It is looking to be a beautiful day and I have learnt that, even when or especially, when I have no energy, my legs feel weak, my hips are stiff and painful its still good to walk. The sunshine is a tonic, I’ll also feel accomplished. I’ll find the willpower to get out of the oh, so cosy PJs and immerse myself in blissful nature. Having wonderful trees in all my neighbours’ gardens to look upon each day, but especially first thing in the morning can make me inclined to be lazy about venturing out.
But the air in the park has a different quality and maybe, I’ll take a Wonky bag on a little adventure. Just a little walk, not using up too much energy, contributes to keeping all things in balance. Now for that five minute, gratitude meditation.